Saturday, May 23, 2009

When a new vampire's attempted Turning takes out the Turnee.

Well, wasn't that one serious night on the town? You dressed to seduce, succeeded grandly, but oops, slightly intoxicated by success you went and forgot to pull out in time to avoid the inevitable. That's right; the Turnee didn't make it, dropped at your feet looking very pale and flaccid. There is nothing you can do to rectify the mistake, so you must deal with it.

Of course, you are an apprentice vampire so your initial reaction may be like a Normal's reaction to blame the victim. It's not my fault, I didn't mean for it to go this far. It was an accident. I tried to pull out really, I did.

You may honestly think the fault lies with the Turnee. Perhaps he or she consumed too much alcohol while you partied. Then, after you led him or her to a secluded undisclosed location, got him or her to believe that the big moment had arrived after a serious bout of hot foreplay, wham bam and OMG that feels better than it should have felt. Hmm.

Seriously, you really desired him or her, wanted a successful Turning, but the end result was a disappointment. Well, some things never change, right ladies?

Regardless of who or what you may want to blame, you took more than he, or she had to give. In your old life, you might've said you were sorry, or spewed forth a string of vilely vindictive phrases and walked away. However, you're dead now, and so is the Turnee. Only the Turnee isn't about to be Turned, stand up, look at you and demand to know why he or she feels so weak and lifeless.

You, the Turner must deal with the consequences, and complete the task long before the sun rises. However, what do you do next?

You could just leave his or her corpse where it dropped, but there is the little problem of the telltale bite marks. Even the dumbest cop walking the planet will question the double incisor holes. In addition, if you applied proper vampire etiquette, they were neatly placed along the base of the carotid artery just above the collarbone preferably on the Turnee's left side where blood pressure is slightly higher.

You might quickly dig a hole and deposit his or her corpse there, but if you've never dug a grave, well, you'll need several hours without interruption. If you partied until two or three in the morning, you'll run out of time before the sun fries you.

Calling the vampire that Turned you is an option, but no self-respecting vampire carries a cellphone. If he or she forgot to shut it off and went into his or her recuperative trance for the day, imagine the phone ringing while unsuspecting normals walk nearby, or worse, a hunter bearing unwanted gifts. Normals will search for the phone, certain that even if it wasn't their own, nobody who called or texted a friend should be ignored. I mean come on, what are you thinking? Might be an important tweet.

If you were advanced, say, after a century of life experience, you might call your vampire in a way that is ancient as time itself. Of course, if you were that old, you would not've made all the errors you made that put you in such a precarious position.

Ingenuity must rule the night. You may not have discovered this yet. You are incredibly strong. Especially, immediately after a Taking. Even from an intoxicated Takee. Of course, you may feel a bit wobbly.

My suggestion: lift him or her onto your shoulder and take him or her home if you're not already there. You won't need to explain why you're bringing a friend home. No one will notice the body if you hide it well. He or she is not about to smell, since you've drained him or her of fluids. Then, when you wake at midnight, tote the corpse into an area where no one will find him or her, and bury it deep.

I understand we're in an overcrowded world, and the odds are good someone will discover the corpse eventually, but by then they'll not get enough forensic evidence to convict someone who is still living.

Perhaps this solution is something of a let down, but the easiest answer is always the best one. In the future, learn to pace yourself. Pull out several times to help maintain control. A Turning should be respectful. It is an honored tradition dating back thousands of years.

Next: Breaking the news after a successful Turning.

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