Monday, October 13, 2008

2 Novel Query Letters - How effective are they?

Number 1

Dear M,

The anguish he felt when learning of his fiancée's death left Marlowe Black stricken with a need for revenge. New York police ruled it suicide and closed the case. Black believed it was murder and determined to find her killer. The gunman, a serial killer, did not hide his bloodlust and dueled with Marlowe Black using the lives of Black's friends like chips in roulette. His weakness, a woman he trusted, led Marlowe along the twisted path of the irrational until, after forcing her to reveal the killer's identity, the two men faced each other for a final duel over the life of yet another innocent victim.

Sunset Orange Water is a 68,000-word noir murder mystery set in New York City, 1951.

I am a winner in the 2004 L. Ron, Hubbard Writers of the Future contest. My winning story Cancilleri's Law was published in WOTF's volume 20 (Galaxy Press). I've participated in several book signings, and speaking engagements (radio and TV).

I would be pleased to email a partial or the full manuscript of Sunset Orange Water for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Larry Schliessmann


Number 2
Dear M,

Ten-year old Emma Walker survived a crash that took her father's life, when a mysterious opening in the car's roof directly above Emma provided a rescuer access to her. Strange frightening dreams haunted her for the next four years, until she discovered an ancient book about a Templar pirate and his dragon-tooth sword at the local library. Folded between its pages, she discovered a printed map of a walled garden. On the reverse, she read a hand-written cryptic clue as to the pirate sword's location. Determined to find the blade, she and her best friend Joan began a harrowing search. When she grasped its hilt, she was hurtled backward in time to meet and befriend a dragon, overcome deadly traps, and fight the pirate's magic to survive and return home.

The Path Between Yesterday and Tomorrow is a 58,000-word YA novel with two young teenage girl protagonists. They discover courage and powers in themselves and achieve goals neither girl dreamed possible a few weeks earlier.

I am a winner in the 2004 L. Ron, Hubbard Writers of the Future contest. My winning story Cancilleri's Law was published in WOTF's volume 20 (Galaxy Press). I've participated in several book signings, and speaking engagements (radio and TV).

I would be pleased to email a partial or the full manuscript of The Path Between Yesterday and Tomorrow for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Larry Schliessmann

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1 comment:

Helen Ginger said...

Of the two, I prefer the YA book query. I get more of a feel for the book from that one. The opening paragraph of the first seems bland.

I'm a firm believer in opening your query, not with the book, but with a "look." In the look, you establish your connection with the agent and this is also the paragraph where you give word count, etc.

As these two queries stand now, they are generic. They could be mass produced and sent out to dozens of agents. An agent wants to know that you specifically picked them and why.

If you're interested, you can read my article on query letters at:
http://helenginger.com/query_advice.htm#qletter

Congratulations on your contest win! That's great.

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