Sunday, August 24, 2008

How to deal with Writer's Block

Writer's Block removal 101

Cause and effect. The cause may be emotional issues. Emotions are distractions. Or are they? Yes, but no, if you turn it around.

Stuck in traffic? Does it piss you off? Write down why it pisses you off while you're stuck behind that idiot developing paralysis of the thumb by text messaging who the hell knows about what to whomever. ERG!

Now that you can read why it pisses you off, twist your anger into revenge. Use whatever devise your mind creates to move traffic. Go to extremes. A death ray that disintegrates matter! A narrow focus electronic beam you can aim that drains car batteries, causes flat tires.

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Stuck sitting in a cubicle 8 hours a day entering data, or answering questions via phone or Internet? What could happen that would break the spell created by boredom?

A computer virus that melts only the letter "a" from all your documents?

How about the grime on your keyboard? What virus might inhabit the gaps, or cohabit with your fingertips?

Your boss stands at the entrance to your space watching you type as if he/she knows by being there you'll make errors.

What would you like to do about that? Accidentally spill coffee on him/her? Not enough?

Ask him/her to help you loosen the jammed escape key, you know, the key pad with the thickest layer of bacteria waiting to invade and disable the first finger to tap it hard enough to dislodge the little creeps.

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Now, for some freebee plots.

There’s this dog barking outside; it's three in the morning. You look out the window and see a Rottweiler standing with its front paws on the windowsill, its face inches from your face. The huge beast is snarling as it tries to claw through the glass.

The car won't start but the battery is brand new. You run to catch the bus to work, and witness a meteorite burning through the sunrise, exploding above the house across the street.

You get out of bed and discover blood in the bathroom sink, but you're not injured.

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